"Your weight is NOT your worth".
I can't count the times that I've spoke these words to a client, and this week it was part of a conversation about why they hadn't lost the weight they expected to. In fact, not much at all....
They're doing everything they can, they've hired me, they've changed a few eating habits and they're drinking more water, and yet, BUT--the weight on the scale is not what they were expecting it to be...and it's COVID ..or Menopause…and their blood pressure is way up and they're anxious and fearful and other people are also expecting this to happen--that's why they hired me as they're trainer!.
I'll admit it's a little un-nerving to hear, although I learned as a child to help myself calm down because it was always so nuts around my house. And growing up in a family of HUGE expectations without a lot of emotional and verbal support, I also thought my weight was my worth. Also my grades..looks..talents..awards..job..etc.
And I bought it hook, line and sinker.
So as a older teen and young woman, I watched that weight scale like a hawk--With a narrowed eye and very little self-love or care. When it wasn't meeting my expectations, a little obsessive exercise and bulemia got thrown in to the trauma mix. I was a mess.
I had to go on a journey of self-acceptance, inner and outer healing to come to a place where I could begin to be my true self and to try to help others--more than 2 decades later. In hindsight, I see so clearly how that time in my life prepared me to do what I do today to help others and I am so grateful!
You see, I know that fear in my client's voice.... because that was the voice in my head, I know the feeling of "not doing enough" because that's what I thought too...the crushing disappointment because ITS NOT WORKING... I know the feeling of not having control over some or any part of my life and how anxious and sick that can make someone. I know what its like to feel like a failure and insignificant and unworthy and IT"LL NEVER WORK. And that ever-present "SO WHAT DO I DO NOW??"
It SUCKS.
But IS IT TRUE?
Or is it just the story we tell ourselves?
What if IT ISN'T TRUE?
How would that feel? What if the OPPOSITE of all those negative things we tell ourselves is true? How would that make our lives different--our actions and reactions? Towards ourselves and others? How would that change the day, week, year, or a lifetime?
You see, the stories we tell ourselves are EVERYTHING.
We know thru research on the mind and emotions that what we tell ourselves, how we view ourselves and the world around us, affects our physical bodies and is reflected in daily habits, physical actions and words. And not only our physical responses but also our metabolism, our immune systems, our organs, digestion, hormones, blood sugar response, our sleep patterns, blood sugar levels...
We are integrated beings, and everything affects everything.
We know that to carry a fear-based story thru life is the quickest way to cut our lives short. And not just chronologically, but emotionally and mentally in our capacity to learn and grow as a person, to be focused and intentional in how we live, to persevere and create healthy relationships and beneficial changes in us and thru us. .
You see these "stories" can break our bodies down and inflame them, and create chemical/hormonal scenarios that prevent us from getting physically stronger, and actually finding our best weight,. They can make us physically ill, sometimes with chronic disease. They can prevent us from taking time to practice self-care because we are so pre-occupied in working (or worrying) for that outcome we're really counting on--and within our time frame--that nothing else feels like it's worth our time. And the constant stress-shame cycle continues.
And so the "outcome" just gets further and further away and we continue to feel like a failure.
So we have to change the Script. The Battle for your best life is truly fought in your mind.
Without taking time to construct a healthy balance between work and activity, peace and rest, the fun and the mundane, we're like a passenger on a train barreling down the track, eyes pinched shut and only waiting for the brakes that tell us we've arrived. Not noticing the lovely countryside, the people around us, the feel of the breeze coming thru the window, the lunch on board, the complimentary drinks. Forgetting the nap we really should take to feel rested for when we arrive, the book we've been so wanting to read, the card we've been meaning to write to a friend, and just the peace of having no thoughts in our head, only sensing, observing, breathing and being.
I try to prepare my training clients who want to lose weight:
Everyone does not lose weight at the same rate, for some it takes a short time--a few weeks or months to reach their goal. For others, it may take a much longer time. It is complicated, not simple. And it's what a client does in other parts of their lives when I'm not with them that will also dictate their outcomes.
Everyone is unique, so their chemical and physical responses to exercise are unique, Age is a factor, health and lifestyle history is a factor, sleep quality, medications, eating and drinking habits, normal daily activity and work, injuries, how they handle stress, muscle imbalances and structural alignment. Some clients come to me and they're ready to work hard because they're in a pretty good physical, emotional and mental place. Some are not, so we take more baby steps and establish the fundamentals--Core strength, balance and alignment issues. We have to teach the body to move in a certain way. We work on mindfulness, awareness of breath, body intuition. Inside-out training.
And we have to work on changing the Story..
What if we look at this thru a different lens?
What if Personal Trainers aren't looked at as "weight loss experts"--but as part of a master plan to assist every part of our lives become better and more aligned with our desires to live a truly healthy life--strong, flexible, resilient--and as a side bonus we can lose the extra weight along the way? What if we look at personal transformation and self-care as a long game, a marathon and not a sprint. A lifelong journey to health and wholeness instead of a short term goal of fitting in a certain size dress?
I know this goes against everything culture and media has trained us to feel and think and do and purchase. I know because at one time I bought into it too. But its just the Truth.
Embrace it. and Live your Best Life!
xoxo! Carol
